You’re Strong, Rebecca
A new friend, an unexpected conversation and some encouragement before leaving Shanghai.
My first Chinese friend was Victoria, a woman from Chengdu who had recently returned from teaching English in other parts of Asia.
She seemed wonderfully relaxed. In my memory, she was usually at least half an hour late and quite capable of getting lost along the way.
My British colleague Johnny offered an explanation: ‘She’s from Chengdu. She’s really laid back.’
Until then, Chengdu had meant pandas to me. I hadn’t thought much about the different identities of Chinese cities, or the ways people described one another through their hometowns. Johnny’s comment was only one person’s impression, but it made me realise how little I knew about the country I had just moved to.
Victoria was joining as a ‘local teacher’. As far as I could see, she would be doing much the same work as the foreign teachers, with the advantage of speaking both English and Chinese. From what I understood, she would also be paid considerably less.
On my final morning in Shanghai, we met in the lift. She wanted some advice about a British man.
What did it mean, she asked, if he invited her to his place to watch a film?
Apparently, being British qualified me to interpret British men. In reality, I had spent most of my adult life studying and had very little useful advice to offer.
Victoria told me she had reached the ‘special’ age of thirty. She used the phrase ‘leftover woman’ to describe the pressure she felt about being unmarried. It was an uncomfortable label to hear from someone who seemed so capable and experienced.
The expectation behind it felt more familiar: reaching an age when you are supposedly meant to have everything arranged—a career, a home and a partner.
Then she asked whether I planned to stay in China for long.
‘No,’ I said with a smile. ‘I don’t.’
She looked at me.
‘The men will like you. You’re strong, Rebecca. I can feel it.’
I wondered whether she meant the adult students I would be teaching. I smiled politely, although I didn’t feel especially strong. Mostly, I felt uncertain.
Before leaving, Johnny’s girlfriend helped me prepare for the next practical challenge. She wrote a note in Chinese asking for a ticket from Shanghai Hongqiao to Hangzhou.
I had arrived with certificates, luggage and plans. Now I was relying on a few handwritten words to get me to my new city.
Victoria thought I was strong. I hoped she knew something I didn’t.